Reblog: Lara Loveless
A great post, and I think it brings up some great points for discussion and reflection. I believe it also relates to one of our previous Reader Stories, the Overthinker. A different perspective on a somewhat similar issue.
Please read through and share!
Hi, my name is Lara. I turned 23 last month. And I’ve never had sex.
Before you jump to conclusions, there is nothing horribly wrong with me. I’m young. I’m thin. While I’m no 10, I’m a solid 7, possibly an 8 on a good day. I have a decent job and great friends.
It’s not due to religion. I believe in God in the sense of Mother Nature, but I don’t believe in typical Christian views. I fully support gay marriage, abortion, and cohabitation.
So why am I a virgin? Because I’m a hopeless romantic. I don’t do one night stands or friends with benefits. I’m a nice girl who wants a relationship. I use Tinder to look for a boyfriend. It pisses me off when I’m out clubbing and guys start grabbing me or dancing right behind me. A kiss is a sign of affection, not something I’d hand out to some creep who doesn’t understand the concept of personal space. I don’t fuck; I make love.
I was a late bloomer in every sense. I didn’t start drinking until I was 16. When I did, my overprotective parents would pick me up from parties. My friends stayed the night, and sometimes indulged in below the waist activity with boys there. I never judged. I never responded with “Get out of my friendship group you fucking WHORE!” But it saddened me. Because they seemed to regret it. And the boys made derogatory comments about them afterwards.
I wanted more. I wanted love, intimacy, commitment. I wanted a partner who I felt comfortable with, and would respect me enough to keep their mouth shut. I wanted to be someone’s girlfriend, not the girl they hooked up with that time. I think sexual activity should be enjoyable and meaningful, rather than a drunken regret. While everyone is different, I don’t want to be that physically intimate with someone I mean nothing to.
The only time I’ve ever come close was with my university boyfriend. Things were heading that way, but then he dumped me. Some people asked if I regretted being physically intimate with him. I said no. I was in a relationship, I was passionately attracted to him and felt comfortable. That’s what I wanted. That’s what I got.
Looking back, I could probably have had other boyfriends if I’d tried a bit more. I’m not Cheryl Cole, but I’ve had my fair few admirers. But it’s not enough that they like me. I have to like THEM. I’ve been told I’m being too picky. I don’t want to just settle for a nice guy. I want the passionate, all-consuming love that makes you walk around feeling like you’re floating on a cloud. The love that makes you wake up in the morning full of life buzzing so much that you get up and go to the gym before a lecture. The love that makes you smile and think of that person when a love song comes on the radio. I want wild, passionate sex, not having to grit my teeth and go through the motions once a month.
That’s what I’m searching for. That’s what makes me come home from the most awkward date in the world, dust myself off, and start arranging the next one. That’s why I write this blog, go on these dates, and will keep searching until I find someone who blows me away (pun intended). And whether that relationship lasts a few weeks, a few months or a few years, I know it will be worth the wait.
My name’s Lara and I’m a 23 year old virgin because I’m a hopeless romantic, and I’m happy to wait.
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