Reblog: Lara Loveless
Surfing through the WP blogosphere, came across this great post by Lara Loveless from Life & Love.
A great post, and I think it brings up some great points for discussion and reflection. I believe it also relates to one of our previous Reader Stories, the Overthinker. A different perspective on a somewhat similar issue.
Please read through and share!
”
Hi, my name is Lara. I turned 23 last month. And I’ve never had sex.
Before you jump to conclusions, there is nothing horribly wrong with me. I’m young. I’m thin. While I’m no 10, I’m a solid 7, possibly an 8 on a good day. I have a decent job and great friends.
It’s not due to religion. I believe in God in the sense of Mother Nature, but I don’t believe in typical Christian views. I fully support gay marriage, abortion, and cohabitation.
So why am I a virgin? Because I’m a hopeless romantic. I don’t do one night stands or friends with benefits. I’m a nice girl who wants a relationship. I use Tinder to look for a boyfriend. It pisses me off when I’m out clubbing and guys start grabbing me or dancing right behind me. A kiss is a sign of affection, not something I’d hand out to some creep who doesn’t understand the concept of personal space. I don’t fuck; I make love.
I was a late bloomer in every sense. I didn’t start drinking until I was 16. When I did, my overprotective parents would pick me up from parties. My friends stayed the night, and sometimes indulged in below the waist activity with boys there. I never judged. I never responded with “Get out of my friendship group you fucking WHORE!” But it saddened me. Because they seemed to regret it. And the boys made derogatory comments about them afterwards.
I wanted more. I wanted love, intimacy, commitment. I wanted a partner who I felt comfortable with, and would respect me enough to keep their mouth shut. I wanted to be someone’s girlfriend, not the girl they hooked up with that time. I think sexual activity should be enjoyable and meaningful, rather than a drunken regret. While everyone is different, I don’t want to be that physically intimate with someone I mean nothing to.
The only time I’ve ever come close was with my university boyfriend. Things were heading that way, but then he dumped me. Some people asked if I regretted being physically intimate with him. I said no. I was in a relationship, I was passionately attracted to him and felt comfortable. That’s what I wanted. That’s what I got.
Looking back, I could probably have had other boyfriends if I’d tried a bit more. I’m not Cheryl Cole, but I’ve had my fair few admirers. But it’s not enough that they like me. I have to like THEM. I’ve been told I’m being too picky. I don’t want to just settle for a nice guy. I want the passionate, all-consuming love that makes you walk around feeling like you’re floating on a cloud. The love that makes you wake up in the morning full of life buzzing so much that you get up and go to the gym before a lecture. The love that makes you smile and think of that person when a love song comes on the radio. I want wild, passionate sex, not having to grit my teeth and go through the motions once a month.
That’s what I’m searching for. That’s what makes me come home from the most awkward date in the world, dust myself off, and start arranging the next one. That’s why I write this blog, go on these dates, and will keep searching until I find someone who blows me away (pun intended). And whether that relationship lasts a few weeks, a few months or a few years, I know it will be worth the wait.
My name’s Lara and I’m a 23 year old virgin because I’m a hopeless romantic, and I’m happy to wait.
”
Do you love to write? If you have a story, article, post about dating or love, please Share your Heartbeat! We would love you feature your writing.
Thank you!
Good for her. Not because virginity is some sacred thing or what have you, but because she knows what she needs and she has the willpower to wait for it. That’s admirable in the extreme.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This summarizes my thoughts completely. Thank you!
LikeLike
Well, if you’re serious about finding a guy who is willing to commit to something, I might suggest not using tinder or going to clubs. The kind of guys who you’re looking for aren’t there.
I used to be a lot like you when I was younger. There’s nothing wrong with being a romantic, but there’s something to be said about being overly romantic, to the point that you’re no longer living in reality. It may be hard to hear, but the kind of love that you’re describing only exists in the movies. Real love isn’t at all like that except for maybe in the beginning, when your body is flooded with hormones. But even those fade eventually.
Nobody will ever be 100% perfect for you. You’ll never find someone you see eye to eye with all the time, every time. It’s unrealistic to expect to be swept off your feet everyday. Relationships are hard precisely because once you’re with someone long enough things do become routine, and you really have to work hard to buck that trend and keep things fresh.
That being said, there’s nothing wrong with waiting to have sex until you find someone who you truly care about and who truly cares about you. And if you do find someone, I would urge you not to hold them up to impossible to meet standards, or you’re destined to pass up some great guys simply because they didn’t walk off the screen of a Nicholas Sparks movie.
Take some advice from Carly Simon: “Just because you don’t see shooting stars/Doesn’t mean it isn’t perfect/What if the Prince on the horse in your fairytale/Is right here in disguise?/And what if the stars you’ve been reaching so high for/Are shining in his eyes?”
LikeLiked by 3 people
I agree with Mark. Good for this gal! She knows herself and what she wants,. I hope the men in her life will understand and give her all the TLC she craves.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hold out as long as you like. It’s your body, but know that the best parts of sex often come with practice and truly knowing your own body. I had sex young, too young. I don’t regret it. It’s what I needed to do, but you should hold out for those butterfly feelings you were talking about. Look for that guy who makes your heart and soul flutter because I’ve had that too. It’s awesome, but you need to also know that those feelings cool in a few months to a year and grow into something more meaningful or sometimes not. Your body is yours to do with it what you will, but make sure it’s not fear that binds you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on Dating Diary Of A Black Girl and commented:
I loveeee this! I’m a 22-year-old virgin for all the same reasons. Glad to know there’s someone out there who feels the same way I do about sex. ❤️ Worth the wait.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hold on to your values! Glad you were able to relate 😉
LikeLike
omg this speaks to me in more ways than i can describe. Never feel bad, less than others, and especially not “picky”. You just happen to know what you want and are willing to wait for that something to happen, and for that kuddos to you!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on alvastones and commented:
I love this. I’m not supporting the whole idea entirely but more or less I sense her needs. Liked.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh dear! It’s as if she read my thougts. I wrote a post like hers on my blog(www.dearjehovah.wordpress.com). It’s tittled No Kiss at 25 u welcome to come read it and link it to hers. I love it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well thank you for sharing your Story, being a Virgin at 23 isn’t easy in today’s society. I had a similar situation, I’m a guy and I was part of a male dominant, sex crazed social club called the U.S. Marine Corps. I’ve always been a bit different, kind of living to my own beat of my drum. While many of my friends indulged in many sexual exploits, somehow it seemed to me that they were still empty and lacking something. I’m not a virgin anymore, but when I was sexually active, it was never about just “getting my rocks off.” I don’t think I ever knew why sex seemed more than just the physical with me, but I think I’ve finally found my answer. Before I go further, I wanted to echo something that someone else said already, you seem like a smart young lady, one that will mature into a goddess of a woman, you know what YOU want, and you don’t settle for things that are not fulfilling. I’m sure you know that relationships don’t exist in the “Happily Ever After utopia” our society seems to suggest. So while you’re holding out for what you think is best for you, don’t expect a Perfect Tall Dark and Handsome man to come riding up on his White Steed to rescue you, and you’ll live happily ever after. I’m saying this, but I suspect you already know this.
Ok so about sex, when you’re with someone you treasure, and you have true intimacy (into me see), by sharing things and truly knowing each other, you will have the passionate mind blowing sex you seek. Additionally sex should be like #3 in a new relationship, after Friendship, and mutual values and goals.
I believe that you will find what you’re looking for, you said something about understanding that you may find love, or intimacy that you’re looking for, and it may last a week or a month. That I think shows a kind of wisdom very mature for your age. I’ve learnt that when I accept people for who they are, and the lesson they’re here to teach me. Not only do I have better more authentic relationship, but that I’m living in the present. While it’s good to look at the past and future also, there is enlightenment and self actualization to be gained by being present.
Good luck with your journey, but I suspect that you’ll be just fine, there’s nothing wrong with holding out for what you want. Those who tell you otherwise are sometimes miserable anyway, so why would you listen to them!
LikeLiked by 1 person
First of all, thank you for your service! Second, thank you for the great comment that really looks into her situation!
LikeLike
It’s been that kind of day, I felt like reading people’s stories and offering my 2 cents, As far as my Military Service, your welcome, I always say it’s my “Other Life” because mentally and emotionally I feel like such a different person, compared to what the culture is.
LikeLiked by 1 person
GOOD FOR YOU GIRL!! keep your head up, and yes, I agree on one comment made already here– don’t look on Tinder or clubs. I applaud you for not settling. If you know what you’re worth, that guy will know you’re worth it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, Lara! You go, girl!
This post made me smile. I love the confidence, thoroughly!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I couldn’t agree with you more. I married my high school sweet heart and she was my first. We raised three amazing children and were together 28 years with every year as good as the first.
Its out there, even now I have been swept off my feet and I hope that this turns into another long term relationship. Maintain your hope, maintain your commitment and don’t give in to the hype.
LikeLike
Sex is never what you expect. I waited a “long time” too. I began having sex at 22. I did it with someone who I didn’t know very well, but he was my boyfriend. A month and a half later we were broken up. Then I met someone else two weeks later who I fell in love with too quickly. He had performance anxiety and could barely get it up. It was a bit traumatizing, but I am grateful for my experiences. I will only sleep with men who become my boyfriend. Some may call that prude but you need to be careful with your heart and your body.
Every time you meet the wrong guy, you come a little closer to finding the right one. Give guys a chance before you turn them down. Give in a little bit, but always hold your standards. Once you reach into your sexuality you’ll have a better understanding of men and relationships and most importantly, you’ll get to know yourself at your very core.
LikeLike