I think it’s very unattractive when people talk badly of their previous relationships or anyone they were involved with. Clearly, they liked the person for some reason, and they probably had their good times and bad. Now, breakups are never easy and usually messy, but that is no reason to bad mouth anyone, especially to the girl you’re trying to impress.
I’ve had a few instances where guys would try to earn pity points by telling me sob stories of how horrible their exes were.
Take “B” for example. We became friends at a friend’s party, and he had a girlfriend when I first met him. We got along well when we hung out with our friends, but he never brought out his girlfriend. He started messaging me often randomly and would rant about how unhappy he was in his relationship. At first, I was genuinely concerned, so I gave him advices on how he can work it out with his girlfriend. After a while, I realized that he kept comparing me to her, saying how him and I “click” so well and how he wishes she was more like me.
I wasn’t flattered.
I wasn’t getting butterflies.
I was getting slowly annoyed about his sly insincerity.
So let’s say that we did work out after he breaks her heart.
What would make me think that
he wouldn’t say the same about me to the next girl he finds attractive? When I heard stories about how he “accidentally” fell into that relationship because he was indecisive and that it was doomed from the beginning, but he decided to stay in the relationship anyway because he was lonely, I didn’t feel sorry for him. I felt so sorry for that girl who still believed that he was the best thing that happened to her. I stopped returning his calls, and deliberately hinted that I wasn’t interested in whatever he was trying to insist. Later, I heard they broke up and felt somewhat relieved for her.
The funny thing is, I finally met her after the breakup, and she turned out to be the sweetest, most charming person ever. I never told her the stories I heard, or really ever mentioned his name at all; he wasn’t worth it.
And I’ve met people who know how to respect their past and leave it at that.
One guy I dated a few years ago really impressed me through his attitude towards his past. It had been 9 months since he had broken up with his girlfriend of 7 years, and it bothered me greatly that they were together for so long. I mean, how do you even break up after such a long time of being together? And the worst part was, she was pretty. I just didn’t understand how he could move on so easily, leaving behind her and their 7 years.
Well, while we were dating, I heard some rumors about her, and I confronted him about it. I know it didn’t concern our relationship at all, but I think I just wanted to find flaws about her so that I could feel better about myself. I know, mean. But he took it so well. He told me nicely and sincerely that he would appreciate it if I didn’t talk about her in a bad way. He told me that even though their relationship was over now, she was very good to him when they were together and the least he could do was respect her enough not to talk behind her back. He also said that he was sorry for making me feel upset, but I should know that “I’m” the one he cares about now.
We’re not together any more, but I still appreciate the time we spent together. He was always sincere and honest in his feelings, and I always felt very appreciated.
Being sweet and kind when you’re in love and happy is easy. Being respectful when the bad times roll around takes effort. Be with someone who knows how to embrace and appreciate his/her own past. After all, past is what made you now.