Reblog: The Myth of Pleasure from a Cabana Boy

When we touched on age gaps in dating before, it seemed the majority opinion was that age is only a number and to follow your heart.

But what about sex? Do you prefer a young stud or an experienced man? Do you prefer a 25-year old girl or a 40-year old woman? Ann St. Vincent shares her experience as a 40-year old woman that has re-entered the dating game. Please read through and share your opinion!

Ashton Kutcher Demi Moore

One pervasive comment or joke I heard a lot after I became single – from married girlfriends, mostly – is that what I should do is get me some young stud for sex. I mean, they call it lots of different things, but that’s the bottom line. I think this is a fascinating topic and certainly one that has no lack of popular culture references.

As I wrote previously, one part of the attraction – for sure – is that when a young guy pursues you, it feels really darn good.  I’m 40, and this 25-year-old, who could have all the toned, smooth, energetic young ladies he wants, wants me?  Wow.  It’s a great thing and anyone who says it’s not an ego boost is lying.  I’m not sure what the attraction really is about, however – so I’ve asked many of them.  Consistently, they say that they don’t like women their age (20s or even early 30s) because they aren’t mature or interesting enough, don’t know what they want physically, won’t sleep with a guy right away, and/or are more inhibited with sex.

This always gave me pause.  I think about me now versus me at 25…and it’s certainly true.  I was pretty promiscuous before I met my ex…I’d slept with what I consider to be many men.  But in terms of having great sex?  I remember some episodes that were fantastic (the boyfriend in university who needed about 30 seconds after cumming to be ready again, the few threesomes I had with two men) but I didn’t really know that much about what I wanted.  I didn’t take charge, didn’t know what my body liked and didn’t like.  But I probably thought I was pretty good in bed.  While many people learn all these things in long term relationships, my essentially sexless marriage was not the place for exploration.  I just turned it all off.  I didn’t even masturbate.

I was also more apprehensive about my body.  Likely held back a lot more.  I remember with my recent, faraway lover…after we’d been together a few times, and I was on top, and he asked me to turn around so I was in “reverse cowgirl”…I was thinking “oh my god my ass will look so huge”.  But I did it anyway.  He was over the moon.  It was the first time I felt like I’d really given myself sexually to someone – let it all go – the mental as well as the physical.  Which was why I was sobbing hours later when he left the room to go back to his family, and I knew I had to fly out the next day.

But I digress.  Bottom line (pardon the pun) is that now I just go for it.  Guys love it and a woman who is uninhibited and confident is way more sexy than one who wants to hide parts under the sheets.  This from the guys themselves.

So – my verdict of me at 25? Definitely promiscous, but way less fun and experienced in the sack than I am now.  Now? Give me sex for hours (days, even), varied, interesting, dirty, fun.

Back to these young guys.  They seem to have figured this out.  One 30 year old said to me that a “30 year old woman’s orgasm is like a cat’s meow, a 40 year olds is like a lion’s roar. Give me a 40 year old lover any day”.  There is a myth (and pretty sure it’s a myth) that a woman physically reaches a sexual peak at this age.  My suspicion is it’s not necesarily physiological – but is actually the sum total of all these other things that make us such demons in bed. Feel free to disagree.

Here’s the thing.  The young guys have figured it out, but what do I get in return?  Yes, I have tried going younger.  The range (don’t judge) has been ages 23-30 (over 30 I don’t really include in this category).  The result?  With one exception (and he was 30), give me a 45 year old with experience and stamina any day.  These guys think they are great lovers, but they aren’t.  They can’t match what some older men have in terms of experience – more tools in the proverbial toolbox.  They are more selfish – not looking to please their lover.  They don’t all have this amazing stamina – my naked ironing man, and Ariel, had way more staying power than the young ones.  Their manners often suck – they all showed up empty handed at my house.  They are flaky – there is absolutely a generational difference in communication, and making and following through on plans.  They don’t understand that an executive woman with a child every other week can’t always just be ready to “hit it” when his fancy strikes.  Irritating.

On average? Yes, you may get more 45 year olds with what I call “hydraulics issues”.  I’ve definitely been lucky in this regard.  But you get more 25 year olds who have limited skills.  If you are the kind of 40 year old who wants to teach someone?  Go for it.  But at the end of the day, it holds no appeal to me.

Mel Gibson Oksana Grigorieva

You can visit the original blog post here.