Heartbeat: To Marry or Not to Marry

Some view marriage as a simple joining of two people that love each other. Some view it as something more – a union of two families to form one new family, earning several new responsibilities while gaining a partner in life.

In either case, marriage is very big step for any couple. It may be an even bigger step when you’re young. But what if your partner wasn’t so young and wanted to get married?

To Marry or Not to Marry

One of our readers has asked us to help him – please read through and chip in for him! He’s in a very big stepping stone in his life.

I have a dilemma that’s been bothering me for months now. I’m 26, male, and a naturalized US citizen. My girlfriend is 30 and she is here on a temporary student Visa.

My girlfriend is great. She’s beautiful, fun, and is almost done getting her license as a physical therapist. We get along great. I’ve never met anyone quite like her that clicks with me so well. We’ve dated for about a year and half now.

As for me, I have a decent career and stable income… but I’m young. I have goals and ambitions and am getting myself prepped to take some risks in life to start my own business. I expect this to happen within the next couple years or so.

The problem is – she feels she’s getting older and needs to get married soon. We’ve hit some bumps on the road in our relationship because of this, because I don’t quite feel like I’m ready to make that commitment yet but she needs to know. The worst part is that her visa status is only going to allow her to stay here a few more months.

The biggest reason I’m hesitating to commit is I don’t feel like I’m financially ready to start a life with someone else. I make enough for both of us to get by, and she’ll supplement that too, but I want to be able to do more for us. Right now, we can afford to go on trips because I live with my family and don’t need to pay rent, utilities, and a lot of other living expenses for myself, let alone for two. If we get married, my expenses would jump, a lot. We’d lose that luxury and I’m afraid to make that sacrifice for us. I also feel like after I’m married, it’d be harder for me to take risks with my life because I’d need to support my own family then. I’m also not sure if she really understands these consequences.

And to be honest although I know there are many couples that get married at my age or even younger, I also know that the average age of marriage is rising. I just feel like there’s so much out there for me to see and enjoy. And honestly, who knows who I could potentially meet in the future? She’s the best I’ve met so far… but I’m only 26. There is a very high chance I’d regret losing her though. Just trying to spill my guts and be honest here.

We’ve had some couples get engaged recently around us and that has triggered us to get serious about this problem and forced us to realize we need to address it soon. She needs to know if I can commit. Honestly, if she could wait a couple more years, it’d be perfect but her visa status forces me to make a decision soon.

Any advice for me?

To Marry or Not to Marry

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Check out some of our past Heartbeat stories:

Heartbeat: Heart vs Brain

Heartbeat: Obesity and Physical Attraction

Heartbeat: Broken Childhood Love

Heartbeat: Friends with an Ex

Heartbeat: The Implants

Heartbeat: I like you but I like my Guy friends too

Heartbeat: Friends with Benefits?

Heartbeat: Late Night Snack

Heartbeat: Sex Drive

Heartbeat: Old vs Fresh

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