Heartbeat: Heart vs Brain
I’m sure many of you are well aware of one of the greatest struggles in dating, or life for that matter: Heart vs Brain. Your brain tells you what you should do, while your heart tells you what you want to do. So what do you do?
One of our Readers, Imperfectant, has shared her story. Please read through and help her out if you can!
I wanted to share my problem with your readers, but first I’d prefer if you linked them to my post where I retell the whole story of how I met the guy.
The story in brief if someone is too lazy to read:
I met this guy, I’ll call him A on here. He’s almost perfect in every way possible. We shared a good friendship for a couple of months, until one day he told me he had feelings for me and that he wanted to maintain his long-distance relationship with his girlfriend. So I told A I’ll stay away from him for the sake of his relationship.
But after a while we got back to talking to each other, probably as if nothing had happened. He wanted to disappear for a while, I hated it and started feeling worried about him. We had a little back and forth on twitter, and after he deactivated Facebook and every instant messaging service there is, I resorted to DMing him on twitter so I wouldn’t lose all touch with him. I didn’t know why I was doing this, but I was obviously starting to soften towards him especially after he told me he and his long-distance girlfriend are no longer together.
One night after some banter on twitter, he texted me. We kept chatting for two hours until he said he wanted to say something awkward. I told him not to. He said goodnight, but 5 minutes later he asked me if I was feeling something. I was, my heart was beating fast. I said yes…
He called me. We talked for exactly 25 minutes, which felt more like two days. We were both hyperventilating, smiling, and pausing in long silences that made us feel we were right there beside each other, although he was 3 hours away at work.
We knew for sure this wouldn’t last; we have no future together. We’re of different religions, and I can’t compromise my faith for a guy. He knows that, so we agreed to remain “friends” for the time being until we resolve our feelings properly.
I couldn’t sleep, tossed and turned all night. We texted the following morning, I was calmer. But midday I felt a powerful surge of guilt that made me unable to get out of bed all day. So I texted him saying that this “friends” thing won’t work. He said it was fine, that he understood. The next thing I know is him calling me the following day, saying he was worried about me feeling too bad or guilty about what we said, I told him I needed to see him to talk things over with him. When we met, he was so relaxed. We talked about his past relationships, his work, how he feels about all that happened. The last word was clearly that we’re on good terms. Friends.
We texted after I got home, thanking him for the good conversation. He told me he was deeply touched by how I accepted his past, and saw through his mistakes. He mentioned wanting to “get all romantic and passionate” on me, but he was trying hard to restrain himself. I told him he should hold himself up, but God knows I wanted it so bad.
That night, I texted him again over something stupid (time savings, I guess), and all he did was smile. I asked him what was so funny, he said that he was resisting the urge to text me. I asked him what he wanted to talk about, he said he just wanted to be with me…
I was freaking out. I wanted to have him around but if every time he acts like that, I’ll cave in. So we agreed to take a break from each other. I called him two days after because I was missing him so much, he sounded hurt. He said that what we’re doing is for the best, lest either of us gets more attached to the other. He blocked me on twitter a week after and deleted all our DMs on there, so I’ll assume he deleted all out texts as well…
I have my finals going on now, but I can’t stop thinking about him. It affected my emotional and physical state badly, I don’t eat well or sleep well, I’m constantly down and I want to just see him or hear his voice. I was planning to call him after my finals are over, which is in about 2 weeks, but I’m afraid he’ll shut me out and I don’t want to hate him. Should I call A or shouldn’t I?
(This photo is for fun and does not reflect the opinion of anybody at FHB)
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Check out some of our past Heartbeat stories: