Heartbeat: Broken Childhood Love
This story was emailed to me by a fellow reader of our site. I’ve read through it and it seems like he’s in quite the dilemma, for multiple reasons.
Please read through and provide your feedback and help him out!
I’m a guy and I’m nearly twenty years old. I’ve been in love with a girl for years now, but she’s not even fifteen yet. As bad as that sounds, hear me out.
We were really close childhood friends for years. Even when I was in my mid-teens and she was still a tween that was never a problem. She was always mature for her age, like she spent a lot of time hanging out with older kids, or teens, or adults, and was very comfortable and confident with that. Her family and myself and a lot of other people have always had a lot of respect for her. She’s always been very sensible and very wise, and until recent years I never knew her to be shallow.
So here’s what happened. I was sixteen and she wasn’t even twelve yet and I fell in love. She looked and acted fourteen at the least, so to a heart, what’s the difference? And I tried to be sensible about it. I didn’t admit I was in love right away and even when I did I just told myself that it didn’t matter until we were both older. Until the time came we could just be friends. Because here’s the other thing. Even if we had been the same age, neither of our families and neither of us believe in dating before 18 (believe it or not), so you know dating wasn’t an option at the time and still isn’t, and I was always okay with that. Like I said, we could just be friends.
But then we started growing apart, I guess. She started spending more time with the girls, and excluding me, I hate to say neglecting but that’s how it felt at the time. I tried to be fair for a while. Then somehow I wasn’t thinking straight, and I was upset that we were growing apart, and I did some overly sentimental things to prevent that from happening, and I said some things . . . Well, we all know how stupid a guy can be when they’re in love, so I don’t think I need to go into details. I thought I was just being friendly and she thought I was hitting on her.
That’s pretty much how it’s been for the past three years. I’ve tried several times to apologize and make her see I just wanted to be friends (which is still true), but she would never hear me out, she’d just say she forgave me and then go on avoiding me. There were a few times when we could still act like close friends, when she gave us the chance to be. But for the most part she ignored me, and for the past year she hasn’t spoken to me at all, even though our families are close and we see each other regularly. She’ll be polite, sometimes, when she can’t avoid me. Usually if I smile at her from across a room she’ll just roll her eyes and look away. Then sometimes she’ll go out of her way to be nice to me, and that I don’t understand at all.
But I still haven’t given up, I’ve just loved her more and more. I’ve still been being as nice and polite as I can be to her. To me that seems romantic; I’m waiting as long as she needs me to, giving my all for the one I love. Maybe to her that just seems creepy. I’m still holding out on the hope that she’ll come around over time, and when she’s old enough maybe there will be a chance for us to court.
What do you think? Is there any chance that she’ll become at all comfortable with me in the near future? Even more importantly, is it possible that she could secretly care about me, or at least that someday things could work out between us? Or would I have waited nearly a decade all for nothing?
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