Heartbeat: Friends with an Ex
Is it possible to become friends with your ex? If so or if not, why do you think so?
Here’s a story about a lady that wants to become friends with her ex. Read through her situation and please leave your thoughts!
I want to be friends with my ex. I hoped it would be possible, but I’m not so sure it is. We broke up two months ago. Out of respect for him and our relationship, I’ll leave out specifics. Basically, we have very different ways of thinking and doing things and I had a hard time with some of the decisions he made in his life. When you’re opposites, a relationship requires that much more compromise and compassion. I felt I was doing both but getting none in return. This took its toll on our relationship and we ended it. It was a sad breakup and I was completely heartbroken for a solid month. I knew it was for the best, but sometimes the best decision is definitely not the easiest.
I hoped often that once we got past the messy emotions from the breakup, we would be able to be friends. I am not friends with any of my past men, but things ended sourly with all of them. This breakup was a kind and respectful breakup, so I figured maybe since we parted on good terms, there was a chance at friendship. He reached out to me via text a few weeks ago. What he wrote made me happy and hopeful that we would be in each others’ lives after all. “I hope you are well. I miss your friendship,” he wrote. I sent back a similar response and was pleased that we had taken the first small step in the right direction.
From there, it has been downhill. In the last few weeks, I’ve received random, absurd texts like “Hey are you caught up on True Blood?” (A show we used to watch together.) “My assistant may go work for one of my competitors,” was another message. And the last one I got a few days ago “None of my friends want to go see the new X-Men movie with me.” I handled the first few random texts as well as I could, with short, simple responses. The last one, however, I had no patience for. What was the POINT of this announcement? “Are you asking ME to be your movie-watching buddy?” I curtly replied. I haven’t heard from him since. Yup, he never responded. Again… What. Is. The. Point.
WHY is this such a difficult thing? This man and I shared the better part of a year together. We shared holidays and birthdays. Met families and friends. Created a million memories together. I want to be able to transition from “couple” to “friends.” I really do. But maybe I’m being naïve. Maybe it’s just not possible. Too messy, too much history and emotions and potential for miscommunication and misinterpretation. How irritating.
I used to have a bunch of guy friends in high school, college and through my mid-twenties. The older I got, the harder it got to keep guy friends. They drifted away or, more commonly, they got girlfriends who didn’t appreciate them hanging out with a girl, so the guys chose their girl over me. That happened a lot, and it was hurtful. Now I have NO guy friends. It’s hard to connect with men on a platonic level. And it sucks. I would love to have a guy to just hang out with. I guess this is why I’m taking this bumpy boyfriend-to-friend transition attempt so badly. I feel like I always get the short end of the stick in this area. Perhaps it’s too soon to try to do this. Hell, I don’t know.
I guess time will tell what happens between me and my ex. We respected each other enough to realize we weren’t working as a couple. Can we respect each other enough to form a new type of relationship? I remain hopeful, but with a little more doubt thrown in. I would love to hear other readers’ experience and feedback on this tricky topic.
If you enjoyed this post, please share with your friends!
If you have your own story that you’d like to share, please Share your Heartbeat! We would love to post your story so others can chip in and help.
Check out some of our past Heartbeat stories: