Reblog: Why Fear can put you in the Friendzone
We had a recent Heartbeat post where our readers unanimously considered it a case of “friendzoned”. A day or so after posting that, I came across another great blog post where someone had been friendzoned by a guy.
She brings up some good points about some reasons you may get friendzoned. Please enjoy!
The friendzone is the treacherous, never-getting-out so-called pit of doom in today’s gen-y relationships. The rock and a hard place. The only time when you are shut down by someone, and then forced to act like it’s okay and still have them around in your life. For those of you who are unaware, here is a definition of the friend zone according to webster’s dictionary:
friendzone [frend zohn]
– A state in which one person will never be seen as anything more than a friend to another specific person; never to be seen romantically by the other person.
This term is most often used involving a heterosexual male being “friendzoned” by a heterosexual female in which he has romantic feelings for. Why does it typically involve males? Not sure. Probably the stereotype/myth of evolution that says that males are often trying to hit on as many women as possible in order to get their sperm out and about. They hit on more women than women hit on men, therefore they are more likely to be friend zoned. It’s the theory of evolution that women need to protect their eggs for someone “worthy” of them, as well as a game of numbers. but anyway.
Today, after years of friend zoning guys because they were two inches shorter than me, they wore runners with jeans, or didn’t know the proper use of “your” and “you’re”, I was friendzoned. This is not the first time it has happened to me (maybe the second time), but it sure as hell hit me the hardest, because i knew exactly why i was being friendzoned. Although I have known the guy who friendzoned me today for over five years, I realized that because of the blatant sexual tension that was constantly surrounding us and fogging up my head, I always felt nervous around him. I was never truly myself, because I saw some kind of spark there and was too scared to ruin it.
I always had my guard up around him and never really showed him who I was. And I realized that today, when he told me he could never see himself in a long term relationship with me. Because even though I was “awesome, and fun to be around”, he didn’t see any chemistry between us.
I felt like screaming. I wanted to say NO, THERE IS CHEMISTRY BETWEEN US JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE TO SHOW YOU, but I felt like my pride had already been bruised enough. Although I knew we were practically the same person, and could be so great together, I did a terrible job of showing it to him. I tried to act like someone I wasn’t, because I was scared that the real me would never, ever be given a chance with him. But as it turns out, I was afraid of absolutely nothing. My fear backfired on me. He saw no spark between us, because I never gave it a chance to light.
So, in the end, I learned that you really should never try to act like someone else, and always, always be yourself. Although it’s cliche and written in every single elementary school classroom in the entire canadian school board, being yourself is the key to happiness. You will find people that do truly love you, and give yourself the opportunities that you deserve. If you get friendzoned by someone when you know you have been yourself 100% of the time with them, then it wasn’t meant to be, and you can truly accept it and move on.