“It’s those times when I feel that pang of guilt in my gut, yet I do nothing to alleviate it, but rather masochistically enjoy it.
Hmmm… maybe masochistic is a too selfish of a word to be used in this context, but when is it not?
Trying to be oblivious of the surrounding when I am so utterly aware of it.
I assure myself that a little naughty thought wouldn’t, no, couldn’t do much harm.
After all, it’s all in my head; nothing’s being acted upon.
But I have to admit that it’s not all that benign either, or else I would be sleeping instead of writing.
Perhaps I could blame the receiver, or in this case, the pitcher; the pitcher who always pitches at the most inopportune time ever, yet I find that so irresistibly inviting.
I should close the door when it creaks. I really should.”
This was written 4 years ago.
I was torn between a boyfriend and a ‘guy’ friend. (Guy friend meaning, it’s not entirely platonic nor entirely romantic.)
Bottom line is that now, four years older than when I was in the writing above, I don’t think cheating can be tolerated if you feel a pang of guilt even it’s not really acted upon. Imagine yourself in your significant other’s shoes; if it hurts to be the other person, it’s probable that he will hurt too. And if you’re ever caught in a dilemma where you have to choose between two people, it’s better to choose the latter because if you really valued the relationship, you wouldn’t risk your relationship for some mere attraction or curiosity. Learning to appreciate your current state, respecting your significant other for who he is, and resisting lustful temptation is so important if you want a long-term relationship. No one is ever going to be perfect, and you probably aren’t either. The mistake in choosing to cheat is that we try to fill in the 20% of what he lacks with someone else, because we think that only a completely flawless person can make us happy.
Love is about two imperfect people blending in to make that complete picture. Of course, it requires a lot of effort, countless fights/making up, understanding, sacrifices, and embracing, but in the end, it’s totally worth it.
“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.”
― Bob Marley