Heartbeat: Friends with Benefits?
Here’s a story from one of our readers, Rye Soaked Feathers. Please take a minute to read through and vote/provide feedback. Thank you!
The guy I had a real life crush on is also the guy I haven’t spoken to for 6 months after I told him I liked him. Well he texted me last night and asked me out for coffee…
For the sake of this blog, we’ll call him Josh.
One can only imagine the thoughts running through my imaginative restless mind at this point:
“Well hello where the fuck have you been for all of half a year?”
“What do you want from my life?”
“Are you just now coming to terms with your undying love for me? Well thats a little late — I think…”
“This is not an actual date is it?”
“Omg, is it an actual date? What the fuck am I going to wear? He hasn’t seen me in six months and I have to look flawless!”
So, it wasn’t a real date, but I did look fabulous.
It was a total closure date. If you’re unfamiliar with what this is, let me just explain to you what occurred during mine.
So I get to Starbucks and he had ordered a couple of ventis. It wasn’t a tall or a grande which to me meant he actually wanted a conversation and not just a ‘hello’ and ‘good-bye’.
We hugged, chatted, caught up on each other’s lives. We’re both in slightly different places than where we had left off. Then he hit me with it.
“I just wanted to apologize for the way I left things,” he said.
Naturally, I hid behind my cup. I always find things to hide behind when I’m hit with confrontation. I hate confrontation.
“Yeah?” I said into my cup as I waited for him to elaborate.
He went on to admit that he did run away, he did get a little scared, and it was childish of him and that I didn’t deserve that.
I already knew all of these things.
He went on to say that he had been dating someone for the past couple of months who cheated on him and when he got his closure with her, he realized how important closure was.
I was perfectly fine with my life in regards to him at this point and was already mourning over the last crush. Seeing him, and bringing back good memories, kinds of just puts him back into my life a little. Even briefly, and I would much rather not have spoken to him at all. (Not to mention his face keeps popping up on my Instagram when he likes my photos after he decided to follow me…).
Yes I do give a little credit for him trying to clear the air, but he didn’t need to come to me and tell me to my face six months later that he wasn’t interested. I’m pretty sure I got the hint.
He did say that he wasn’t ready for a relationship at the time. To which in return I told him that I wasn’t looking for one either (c’mon it’s me, I’m never looking for one – that is until LD-BF* shows up). I explained that I just literally wanted to let him know that I liked him, just to throw it out there into the universe. He admitted that he may have over-analyzed and over-thought the situation in this event, to which he again apologized.
I’m not a fan of closure dates. Especially if I haven’t heard from you for six months. Don’t use me to make your conscience feel any better. I’m perfectly fine. The BFF disagrees, and she wishes everyone was like this.
So he basically wants to be friends. Can you really be friends with someone you’ve once seen naked?
Okay, that’s a bad example. I’m friends with a lot of people I’ve seen naked.
Well, just when I thought that was good and over with, he texted me the very next day asking to hang out that weekend, just to drink a few beers and watch the fight – something we did when we were kind of seeing each other.
Now the minute I saw this text, work became super busy and I became extremely distracted. So I placed my phone down for a few hours. The thought of what he actually wanted from my life going through my head as I carried on with my daily work tasks. When I finally had the chance to check my phone again, I saw yet another text from him.
“Or we can go to a bar and grab drinks and watch the fight ….. as friends….,” it read.
Clearly he has a knack for adding insult to injury.
As stated, he has just come out of a relationship where he really fell for this chick and she cheated.
At this point, I’m thinking he’s looking for someone to distract him from his post-break up trauma or a rebound ‘friend’. I’m not sure what it is but my curiosity and my ability to draw in trouble accepted his offer to watch the fight, granted he brought the alcohol of course.
Now I will confess, after our fight hang, we’ve been hanging out really casually lately. We’ve also been having sex really casually lately.
Now before you all attack me, I was actually the one to instigate sex the last time, and Josh has reassured me that fucking me wasn’t his intentions when he decided to reappear into my life.
The first time, we were both just really in the mood, and we let each other know that what we were about do was just sex and nothing more than sex.
And when we did end up having sex after that, those rules still applied.
There wasn’t any weird feelings afterwards, or any romantic inclinations, which was great. We’ve been getting along well as friends and I was perfectly content that fucking him hadn’t ruined that.
Fast forward to a night where I was very and I mean very intoxicated. Anyone who has had more than a few drinks can back me up when I say alcohol just gets you horny. Well Josh was hanging out with me and I decided, since we’ve already seen each other naked and what-not, why not ask for his penis?
And after a little convincing on my part, we were at it again.
I got to thinking that I could probably get use to this. He’d kinda be like an actual friend with benefits. Minus the mixed signals, heartbreak, and complications. We’ve already been there. But when I ran that thought by him, he said it would be a bad idea and someone would get hurt.
This would be true if (a.) He hadn’t already hurt me, and (b.) We hadn’t established our friendship.
I mean, I was trying to give the guy sex. No strings attached sex I might add. Who wouldn’t love that offer?
As awesome as this would be, in my head anyway, I can’t force the guy. I guess it’s back to being bros.
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